INFJ

I retake the myers-briggs personality test about twice a year and every time i get the same answer just at different extents. I'm an INFJ, an idealist counseler through and through, and if you read the description of it you would know much more about me than even good friends do. here are some exerpts that I believe are the most acurate:

"INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type. " http://typelogic.com/infj.html

"Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena." http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor

Here's something you may not know but I found really interesting:

"Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them." http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor

I could probably go on for days about specific examples in my life that correlate to these characterstics but just that you know that these are true is enough. I also just have to brag, INFJs are the rarest type and the most likely to be psychic. k? thanks.

oh god.

what am i thinking!???? sometimes i confuse myself. I feel so more grown up than i actually am that I want to be young again. I feel a need to embrace this.

Today I got a call from the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine. It was the admission director saying that she needed to push back my interview to talk with the dean of academics because I may be 27 credits short of making my minimum number of prerequisite credit hours. I was shocked at first, seeing as how I had talked to the dean prior and she said that I would be fine but what shocked me the most was that I was okay with the thought of staying in orlando. I've said from the beginning of all this that I feel like my heart is in Orlando but I don't want to live my life unexposed to everything else out there. I'm 19 years old and I'm on the fast track to accomplishing all my goals, and I just want to stop and catch my breath. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I just want to be a kid again, not living at home and going to youth group, but doing what I want and not worrying about the future, to just be 19 would be great.

So I looked at the course schedule for UCF (I am still registered as a student there, go figure!) and wrote out a schedule for myself that I could potentially take if by some reason I couldn't get into the school. but I don't think It'll be a problem, so why am I still feeling this way? Is this just cold feet? Is this Satan trying to distract me from what God has planned for me? 3 hours ago everything in my life was so clear, and right now I just don't know.

I would like to stay here another year, go back to ucf or take a year off. Then next June take off to Portland. I'll be 21, 2 of my best friends will be graduated and on to new places, another friend will moving there, I will have the opportunity to visit a couple more times and meet more people, maybe find a living situation before i get there, I'll get to spend more time with this amazing house church and my 3 best friends before we embark on the next chapters of our lives. Why rush?

All I can do is pray. It's all I have the strength to do right now.

Timing.

People live around it. They want perfect timing or are in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wish I didn't think about timing so much or that it didn't affect my plans as much as it does but alas I work on a schedule so time is just another bullet on my list. God has perfect timing. I can't see it but when things happen they happen with great ease when I don't try.

For years I have participated in small groups, house churches, and bible studies. I have heard many testimonies, teachings, and life applications. But I've never shared mine, (except in africa but that was a timed assignment, weird huh) until tonight. This comes on the day I begin to question everything I've ever known about my past. see, my mom told me some things this weekend that threw me for a loop and essentially contradicted everything I thought I knew about marriage, relationships, and love (already touchy subjects for me). Today I hashed out my frustrations, fears, and confusion with my counselor and realized that the mother I thought I had was trying to be my friend and authoratative figure rather than a mother. And I feel like an orphan for it. This being said, you maay be able to see now how I felt when TODAY was the day I was asked to share my life story. But I did it, with all honesty.

I have no idea how I got those words out to the 15 people in that room with aall my composure but I did and afterwards I felt naked, but really good. (should those 2 things be felt at the same time in front of so many people?) I want people to know the real me and this is really me I guess. After my story everyone prayed over me and for my mother and it felt so good. I'm still angry at my mother, time is all that can heal that, but I'm more hopeful and the connection i feel with the people in my house church is greater now than any other group I've been in.

At the end of the night one friend told me that two words came to him when he was praying: delicate and tender. I don't know what they mean for my life right now but I know I have always felt like I haveto be indestructable for the people around me. So hopefully these words will become more apart of me then they are right now.

I've always fought against being delicate and tender because they mean fragile and sensitive. Now they seem like small sentiments I could strive for. What great timing.