"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9So Im pretty sure the whole "let go and let God" saying is literal. I used to believe that it was figurative, like, dont stress because God's going to take care of it, but dont stop doing what you're doing either. I'm just ignorant I guess. Two recent times God has shown me that if I just sit back and just keep doing what I was made to do (
pray) that he will not only take care of it but exceed expectations.
February: For six months I prayed continually for what I should do about going on a missions trip. I wanted to make sure it really was God calling me and I wanted to go where and when he wanted me to go. I totally ignored the distinct voice of the holy spirit saying JUST SIGN UP! for the insecurity of my brain that held much doubt about what to do. So this literally went on for six months and when February came I finally felt a peace about signing up for a one month trip in may to Kenya with Adventures in Missions (
www.adventures.org). I was accepted the next week and what happened next was surely God at work. Kenya had been going through a time of political uproar due to "flawed elections" and AIM deemed it unsafe to go there in May. OK. A week later they told me I could go in June. OK. The next week they said absolutely no Kenya trips until September and I would be going to Jeffrey's Bay, South Africa instead. Not excited, South Africa was the only place in Africa I did not want to go on a missions trip, looks like a great place to vacay but thats all its good for. So long story short, God knew where he wanted me I just needed to stop second guessing myself and let him work. And SA ended up being way more than vacations and white people, it was everything I had imagined Africa to be and more.
Yesterday:
1:00AM= The place I am hoping to rent (the only non-sketchy place on craig's list) is rented out to another girl. Somehow Im not surprised, this would happen to me when I get my hopes up. But I know this means God has something even better picked out for me. I remember now that in my time in Africa, when I found out that I needed to find another place to live, that God said he had already planned for me the perfect roommate.
12:00PM=I get on Craig's list to begin my room search once again and email a couple people, I then look at the listings for people looking for rooms (on accident, because I thought it was more room listings) and I click on the "$400 ROOM FOR RENT" listing and find a girl looking for exactly what Im looking for, in the exact location, a christian, moving to Orlando this week. I mean things like this happen on the Disney channel but not in real life, except when God's involved. So against my will I let go and God surprised me once again.
But thats my life, full of surprises and changes, never the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I sit here 3:30 in the morning still yearning for more from my day. my timing is not God's timing. his is infallible, mine is rushed. I try to be patient but i feel like if i do nothing, then i do nothing... but thats what is necessary. i preach of letting go yet i still feel like i need control. its difficult to know when to stop and when to push forward at full speed. I know prayer is needed here. To silence my self that tells me to finish what i start is far better than to rush what god has planned. God has great plans right now, i can see them unfold literally everyday, but when they com to fruition is for him to decide. so right now i will continue to serve those around me, speak the words put into my mouth, and above all else, love (which seems to be the hardest for me to do).
