putting off

I've been putting off starting this for over a week which doesnt sound like long but its been eating at me daily. probably out fact that no one will read it, no one will care, or that someone will read it and they will care. I would prefer not knowing if its read but I need these things to be said because if they're not then I just say them to myself and it doesnt make a difference. I've been closed up for long enough and I want to be vulnerable, I want to be stripped bare of the walls I've put up around me. So I'll write it for you, in hopes that you'll be pleased. I'm on this journey and I dont want to be alone on it and I dont want anyone else to think they're alone on it. We put up fronts for these people to make them think we're cool but struggling, happy but artistically miserable. I'm done with these oxymorons in my life, straight up, this is what I'm struggling with and this is what is causing ache inside of me. I have hope and security in knowing I'm taken care of, I am spoken for, all I have to do is keep walking and not turn back, to not stop, or second-guess. So now ends the continual want to be close to him hindered by the interruptions of the day-to-day. The journey of getting to his heart and letting others in on where I'm at starts today. Lord, your thoughts for me are more numerous than the grains of sand on the beach, and I can only try to turn mine back to you.